infertility

Break up blues

I feel like I am going through a break up (with my RE) and had to just go on an awkward first date (with my new OB). Don’t get me wrong , my new “date” was very nice and helpful but I just can’t stop thinking about my ex. Ok ok I know I sound completely insane but I never knew how much I actually was enjoying the weekly monitoring and constant supervision from the my REs office . We had our first appointment with the OB and he said “ok I will see you in 4 weeks .” Ummmmm excuse me 4 weeks ! Doesn’t he know all I went through to get this little miracle inside of me . Doesn’t he want to check on my miracle weekly like my old boyfriend , I mean doctor. I remember not knowing how I felt about my RE at first and was unsure if I was “in love” with him but as the IVF process progressed I learned to relax and trust him . Now I need to relax and trust my new doctor .

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infertility

Graduation Day !

Today we graduated from our fertility clinic . I was actually really sad about leaving that place . I came to love all the nurses and the doctor and felt so comfortable and protected there . But I am over the moon that we have gotten to this point . I really feel like I am dreaming and as much as this little miracle inside of me is making me nauseous every second of the day , I still find it unbelievable that I am pregnant .

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7 weeks 5 days

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infertility

Heartbeat

I can not even believe this but we saw a heartbeat!!!!!!!!!! Holy moly I really am pregnant !

I have been dizzy for the last few days and pretty nautious. I was hoping that was a good sign and seeing that little flicker on the screen today proved it was. I am 6 weeks 5 days today and the doctor said I was measuring one day behind but he wasn’t worried about one day. I have another appointment in a week and then he said I can begin to see my regular OB. I thought that was a little early to leave him , and it makes me sad thinking about leaving that place … Who would have thought ?!

I think I will be nervous until the day I am holding my baby in my arms but for today I am on cloud nine !

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infertility

Symptom crazy

Am I the only crazy one who desperately wants pregnancy symptoms ??????? I want to know that I am still pregnant and maybe if I was puking my guts out or if my boobs felt like they were going to fall off then I could feel better about all of this . I feel a little tired here and there but that is nothing out of the ordinary. Where are my symptoms ?!?!?!?!?!?

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infertility

First ultrasound

I have been a nervous wreck for the past week . Since my beta numbers were low (34 then 75) I was so discouraged and thinking the worst . Today we went in for an ultrasound and there was a gestational sac and yolk !!! I was sooooo excited and relieved (just for the moment ). The doctor said he is not worried about the low beta numbers as long as he saw both of those two things on the ultrasound . I go in for another one in a week and the doctor said he wants to see a heartbeat . I want to so badly live in this moment and be so happy but instantly I get nervous that everything will not work out . This process is such a rough ride and I haven’t had many moments of celebrating so today I am going to celebrate !!!!

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infertility

Beta #2

I just received my second beta results . It was 75. Technically my number doubled which is what I wanted but the nurse was still cautious . She told me that for now my body did what it was supposed to but we have to wait until July 7th for an ultrasound and see if there is a gestational sac. Ummm July 7th seems like a lifetime away from now ! I’m not sure why i won’t have another beta done next week ?? So here I am in the torturous waiting game again . I should be a champion at this game by now . I am just terrified that we won’t see anything July 7th and this is going to be another fail. How am I going to get through the next 10 days wondering if my little baby is growing or not. I wish I could be excited and happy about the news of my number doubling , but I am too frightened to be happy .

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infertility

Beta day

After what feels like an eternity of waiting I am left with more waiting . The nurse called and said my beta was 37. She seemed really concerned about this and told me that she likes to see numbers over 50. She told me I have to go back Friday for another test and we can “evaluate ” the pregnancy then . WTF!!!!!!!! I thought I would have my answer today and now I just have to worry more . I’ve pretty much lost hope in this cycle and am convinced I’m having a chemical pregnancy . I took another test this morning and he line was really faint again . I also had some pinkish spotting last night . Couple all of that with a beta of only 37 and I am just left feeling sad . Hoping for a miracle on Friday .

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